There are few things more annoying than fussing, whinging children. We have all seen parents feed the fuss and we have seen others who seem to want their children never to show they are sore, sad, scared or overwhelmed. Here’s a truly magnificent and easy way to solve the problem, and we – the parents – have to do very little work.
We had a great night out at friends for dinner Saturday night. There were 10 children altogether ranging from four almost-nine- year olds, to our Butterfly toddler. The kids were great, they basically disappeared (except for feeding times!) and created their own adventures and excitement. But, naturally towards the end of the evening a few tears emerged. Mostly it was our Owl. Like all of us with an Owl temperament he’s easily overwhelmed by sensory information and excitement. Thank goodness for Boring-Cuddles.
I have been a devotee of Diane Levy’s Boring-Cuddles for six years now. They’re magic once you get the hang of them. With any distressed child (sad, sore, scared, overwhelmed) you just hold them. You don’t speak or make shusshing noises (my Conscientious side finds that tricky), you don’t push them away (my Self-Sufficient side often finds that hard) and you don’t make any eye-contact. You are basically there as an ‘open palm’ to support only. That way they learn to process their big emotions. They do the work, we don’t have to do anything except accept the process and be there. They calm and pull away in their own time. Of course, if you and they aren’t used to it, it can take a few minutes to work. But we’ve used Boring-Cuddles from as early as the rolling…oops banged your head…stage and noticed that even with small babies, and with the naturally hyper-sensitive Owl, they work within two minutes.
So on Saturday night when the five year old Owl crawled up on to my lap and sobbed his heart out, I didn’t shussh him or go with him when he wanted me to play. I just sat and held him, at first listening to what he had to say (completely focussed on him), and then kept holding him but removed my focus and continued listening to the adult conversation. Soon he was calm again, he had processed his emotions, solved his own dilemma and was gone. Magic. Thanks, Diane.