Why THAT Wedding was so important

This is not a post about the relevance of Royalty in a modern era. It is a post on successful parenting…

Some of the most important things people need to experience to be content are relevant and regular rituals. In a secular world where many of us have ditched church (etc) rituals are often few and far between. The pomp and ceremony of a Royal wedding is highly ritualistic and this one obviously satisfied a need in anything up to a half of the world’s population, if the stats are to be believed. We watched it. Even people who would never consider themselves to be Royalists…watched it. But this is not a post about rituals – per se.

There were a few things which struck me (yes, I watched it too) as I watched Kate and William throughout the ceremony. Things, which told me a lot about the parenting they had received. (Go ahead burn me at the stake!)

Firstly, they were obviously in-love. They were looking out for each other and they managed to sneak some private moments despite us all watching. People are more likely to struggle to find that kind of deep attachment if they haven’t first had it with a significant adult in infancy and growing-up. Even if you believe half of the press surrounding these two, is highly likely that both Kate and William had (have) great relationships with their mothers. If infants and children do not have their normal and natural dependency needs met they spend the rest of their lives trying to fulfill those needs. (Some of us intellectualise our lives to overcome our childhoods…I will not do the same to my kids as was done to me, kind of thing). People who are snarky, mean and sad have not had these needs met.  Attachment could be claimed to be the root of addictions, as attachment works on the same parts of the brain and with the same chemicals as addiction. Given the pressures on their time, both Diana, Princess of Wales and Carole Middleton must have made the effort to make sure their kids felt safe and secure. No matter how difficult it was for them.

Likewise the involvement of people who were close to the couple. Kate didn’t have 17 bridesmaids, she had one – her sister, and the flower-girls and page-boys were the children of people close to them. There were friends of William’s in the guards of honour alongside those who had done well in their careers. They had all the dignitries that they had to have at the ceremony, but it was their nearest and dearest who to got to be part of  the celebration Prince Charles hosted in the evening.

The ceremony wasn’t Over The Top. Yes, I know there would have been a lot of input from the Palace as to what and when and who were involved, but there was a simplicity in it as well. The dress was elegant; there were no performances from rock-stars or divas; it was enough to satisfy the world’s hunger for ritual but there was no more.

Kate and William were both serene. They have obviously worked out where their private and public personnas begin and end. They know who they are as people first and dignitaries second. The efforts put in to keeping William’s childhood/adolesence/early adulthood as private as possible has paid off. He’s been able to be as much of a boy as he could – out of the public eye. His mother was known for protecting him from the harshest realities of public life as much as she could, and the press ban on his time at St. Andrews has meant the early stages of their relationship were kept private. Being a child needs to happen in childhood – we all know people in their 30s, 40s and beyond who have yet to pass this stage. ( If you don’t get enough hours playing during childhood, your brain will try to fulfill that need throughout your life.) Both William and Kate showed they had come to terms with their roles in life – they didn’t show-off or try to out-party anyone, they just were – this is a sign of maturity.

And finally both Kate and William were dignified. They have both had to follow rules that they might not have wanted to during their childhoods and teenage years: William due to his birth and all that is involved with being part of The Firm, and schooling; Kate with her schooling and, I assume, at home. People who accept things aren’t as they would ideally like them to be, show this kind of dignity.

Lastly, Kate and William have  managed to stand firm on what they wanted to include in their day – this knowing when to comply and when to stand firm – is maturity and self-assurance bourne from great parenting. (Not going to a Princess School as a child, in Kate’s case.)

So while I watched and enjoyed the ceremony I also celebrated what it might mean for the world. These two young people will find it natural to be great parents, because their brains have had the chance to develop along the same lines as they are biolgically meant to have developed. Now, if we can just convince Kate to breastfeed…

(Should you find this article useful, Koha is accepted, $1 is fine. The button is under my blog-roll. :))

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About Karyn @ kloppenmum

kloppenmum is me, Karyn Van Der Zwet, mother of three and ex-teacher. I'm part of a revolution in parenting, with the aim to raise mature (not sophisticated) and self-assured children. I also know some stuff about adults. I have also had articles printed in The Journal for The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (Children and Young People) and the US parenting magazine, Pathways to Family Wellness, as well I regularly write for World Moms Blog (named as one of the Forbes 100 most useful blogs for women 2012 &2013). You can follow me on facebook (kloppenmum) pinterest (Karyn at Kloppenmum) and twitter (@kloppenmum). I'm also vaguely on LinkedIn (Karyn Van Der Zwet). Thanks to Joe (Mr Hare) for taking the photo. Cheers, son: xxxx.
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29 Responses to Why THAT Wedding was so important

  1. Well put. Great post, thanks.

  2. Excellent post and what a great take on that Royal wedding. I also thought that they are poised and self-assured. What fortitude (and love) it must take for Kate to endure all the media attention and yet still go forward with this marriage. I did not watch it btw, I just saw the pictures. I thought it might be too long. LOL I can watch it online at hulu….

    • I agree. She doesn’t strike me as someone who would seek media attention (mind you I doubt he does either). At least they are managing to keep some privacy in their lives, so hard for anyone famous these days – let alone the most famous couple in the world.

  3. adhdwith3 says:

    I’m so glad you wrote about this. I agree about the rituals though–I was quite blown away with it.

    I guess I’ve always thought that following the British royalty was just a diversion, a guilty pleasure. It’s just following people that have been made more important for no good reason.

    But I was REALLY touched by the ceremony. I was impressed that they sang hymns. I loved the choir boys in their fine high collared suits. I thought that Kate’s dress was both elegant and modest.

    And I thought you know, marriage really does mean something, and I’m glad that 2 billion people are tuning into at least part of this. It was touching to hear the commitments the two made to each other. Even though I am not of their faith, I found the religious sermons also quite moving.

    I think it’s good to find places where propriety, tradition, commitment, and integrity are upheld. Thank you.

    • It will be interesting to see if more people see the value of marriage after this. Of course, there are plenty of people who want the big party and fancy dress then find that marriage isn’t just one day…I sincerely don’t think these do did though – to me it was two people who were making the best of a situation, which they probably wouldn’t have chosen except for an accident of birth. I’m not a Royalist as such either, but they are there and these two handled the situation with more dignity than I’ve seen shown by most people in the public eye!

  4. Hey now! Some of us CAN’T breastfeed!!!!! (No matter how much we want to!) 🙂

    • Yeah…I know that. I just wonder if she will even get the option, given that her number of ‘duties’ will no doubt increase. I *love* that she’s choosing to be a housewife (no cook or cleaners even) in the interim. Contentment is such a rare commodity in the rich and famous…

      • As a mere spectator, I would expect nothing less from William in his choice of a partner (or rather, being drawn to a more “down to earth” one). His mother was notorious for being a warm, loving, nurturing, real human being (and one of high quality). Those qualities will be in him, and in his perception of what is desirable in other people. You might think me mad, but I think his dad is a pretty cool guy too. I think he is not, in any way, happy as Prince Charles, but he accepts his position and has tried to do his best. I think he was highly supportive emotionally to his boys after they lost their mother, and it shows in who they have become as adults (if not slightly subconsciously obsessed with dangerous/life threatening behavior in their military careers), BUT, I am so very happy to see the Royal Family open their hearts and minds a bit. It’s a tough political tradition in itself! Very intersting to watch it all, and I am excited to see what those two get up to over the pond! Once again, GREAT POST!

        • Thanks, and I agree about Prince Charles (I love the awareness he has raised for organics too). He has always struck me as being a lonely little boy who would have been a lot happier if he had Mum available to him when he was growing-up. Once again evidence of the stiff upper-lip not being ideal. And I think the Queen has changed her perceptions a lot too since Diana died. I would hate to have been born into an institution like Royalty, especially British Royalty – but I think that is what struck me the most about Wills and Kate: they are mature enough to make the best of the situation they are faced with. I love that she’s going to do their cooking and cleaning in the interim!

  5. Laura Weldon says:

    Yours is the most refreshing “take” on the royal wedding I’ve encountered. I always find a YES coming from my heart when I read your words Karyn.

  6. Sometimes as a rose is just a rose, a wedding is just a wedding. And while I appreciate your efforts, IMHO many leaps were taken, extrapolations made and unfounded significance related to their upbringings were read into this event. To spare a lengthy comment, I’ll leave it at that. 🙂
    BTW, I was confused by your sentence: ” …maturity and self-assurance bourne from great parenting” — and then I realized why. Bourne is not a verb. It is a noun.

  7. “Kate didn’t have 17 bridesmaids, she had one – her sister, and the flower-girls and page-boys were the children of people close to them” — Oh, btw, interesting tidbit about that — it’s tradition in royal and U.K. weddings for children to be bridesmaids and for the (older) “chief” bridesmaid to serve as organizer and supporter.

    • I just learned that over the past few days.
      I was just thinking about the huge group of bridesmaids that Lady Diana Spencer had and it struck me that Miss Middleton was rather conservative in comparison.

      • Diana had little to no say on her bridesmaids (depending on which source one believes) or much else. Like comparing apples and grapefruits, the comparisons between Diana and Kate, though inevitable, strike me as odd because the situations and persons involved are so radically different. For what it’s worth, even the monarchy has been forced to accept change, at least on the surface, as a result of the current crop of key players; nonetheless, the comparisons will continue unabated. Sad.

        • The comparisons are sad and yes, I think Diana had very little to say in those early days. She must have had a lot to do with how her boys were raised though because they were raised differently from previous royal children. (e.g She insisted that William as a baby/toddler travel to NZ with her and Prince Charles even though it was unheard of to have two heirs to the throne travel together.)

  8. Scared & Imperfect Mother says:

    Very well written post, I can see the truth in what you are writing it makes so much sense.

  9. BinoandFino says:

    I was in London on business when the wedding took place. I think, as expected, the media went over the top. All of a sudden Kate was the most beautiful woman in the world and William was the most handsome man in the world blah blah blah. They drove me mad. And they wouldn’t stop comparing Kate to Diana. I’m not a Royalist and I thought I was going to hate the wedding.

    But I do have to give them credit in the way they handled it. The wedding struck the right tone for what it was and more importantly it looked like they loved and were comfortable with each other. More importantly it looked like they enjoyed the day. The ceremony could have gone wrong in many different ways with many people in the world watching. I have a sneaky suspicion that if they could, they would have had a more private wedding. Like with all newly weds I wish them all the best.

    • I think they would have preferred a private wedding too, and I was most impressed with how they handled themselves. I only hope they can have a decent private life and parent their kids in privacy too.
      Would never have called myself a Royalist either, but these two do fascinate me…

  10. BinoandFino says:

    I think they’ll find it very hard to get privacy judging by the media frenzy that surrounded the wedding. And as everyone now thinks Kate is the new Diana and is the most beautiful woman in the world, you know the paparazzi will hunt them down. It’s going to be tough.

  11. Gwen says:

    How true. The buzz was phenomenal and the two newlyweds handled it with grace. The best part was watching them share their moments. It seemed obvious that they are in love.

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