Parents: Where do you fit on the Scale of Attuned Responses?

As a small side-bar to my previous post on listening:

Blog buddy Laura-Grace Weldon had already written a post on the same topic  here. She mentioned it in her comment to me, but I know people are busy and can’t always follow those leads. I was really impressed by the Scale of Attuned Responses she’s included. And I wondered where we’d all fit on that scale with regards to listening to our children; and to other adults. It also got me thinking about where my parents would fit into that scale and the impact that’s had on my life. Hmmmm. Not telling. 🙂

Let me know what you think.

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About Karyn @ kloppenmum

kloppenmum is me, Karyn Van Der Zwet, mother of three and ex-teacher. I'm part of a revolution in parenting, with the aim to raise mature (not sophisticated) and self-assured children. I also know some stuff about adults. I have also had articles printed in The Journal for The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (Children and Young People) and the US parenting magazine, Pathways to Family Wellness, as well I regularly write for World Moms Blog (named as one of the Forbes 100 most useful blogs for women 2012 &2013). You can follow me on facebook (kloppenmum) pinterest (Karyn at Kloppenmum) and twitter (@kloppenmum). I'm also vaguely on LinkedIn (Karyn Van Der Zwet). Thanks to Joe (Mr Hare) for taking the photo. Cheers, son: xxxx.
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10 Responses to Parents: Where do you fit on the Scale of Attuned Responses?

  1. Marcy says:

    With my child I am often responsive; occasionally resonant, sometimes various forms of distracted / divided attention. I notice how little other people actually hear her, which amazes me considering how loud she is.

    With other people, it really depends… I don’t know what I’d say for an average.

    • Marcy says:

      I’ll add that it’s not only distraction that affects my level of attunement — when she’s being nasty I get superficial or impersonal. You know, the other day she actually said, after a lot of nasty talk and banging things, “I’m trying to make you angry!” Which surprised me — I didn’t know kids ever were aware of trying to do that, especially at four.

      • Four year-olds can be very attuned to our emotions, what is great is that Amy told you what was going on for her. (As unpleasant as that was for you!) Mindful Disconnection by using, that’s a shame, can work well when kids are saying nasty things. She really does have a thing about banging stuff, doesn’t she?

        • Marcy says:

          When she said that about trying to make me angry, I wasn’t hurt or upset, at least not any more than I was already upset by the nastiness. And even though it’s wearing on one, I don’t usually take it personally. I just get really tired of it, and it makes me not want to be with her much. I thought what she said was a little sweetly funny, and appreciated that she could be so aware and forthright about it.

          And yes, she sure does have a thing about banging stuff!

          • Pleased you’re not taking it personally, and I’m not surprised it’s wearing on you. I think I’d be moving myself into a quiet space to find a little quiet and calm.

    • It often amazes me how little adults truly hear children too. The need to be heard, properly, isn’t really understood by many people. Such a shame.

      • Marcy says:

        It ties in a little with something I’ve been thinking and blogging about a little — people’s approach to differences. Sometimes when I’m mentioning my experience with PPD, or talking about some other thing that makes me feel different, others might say we all deal with that, or that’s not uncommon, or we’re all basically the same, and often I feel cut off by such comments, as if they’re trying to negate the differences, or maybe as if they don’t fully grasp what it is I’m saying. Their desire for commonality feels like a desire for me to stop feeling different, or to stop feeling special about being different. Sometimes I suppose my defensive reaction makes it seem like I’m trying hard to be excluded (like Amy trying to make me angry), when really if I just felt that my difference was understood and accepted (“heard”), I would likely shut up and feel belonging and commonality just fine.

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