Parents: Please don’t try so hard

Sometimes we want so much, so desperately for our children to do well academically that we try too hard. Often the consequences of our parenting are not what we intended. In fact, what we do can often lead to the very thing we were trying to avoid. Curious? Have a look at this: here.

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About Karyn @ kloppenmum

kloppenmum is me, Karyn Van Der Zwet, mother of three and ex-teacher. I'm part of a revolution in parenting, with the aim to raise mature (not sophisticated) and self-assured children. I also know some stuff about adults. I have also had articles printed in The Journal for The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (Children and Young People) and the US parenting magazine, Pathways to Family Wellness, as well I regularly write for World Moms Blog (named as one of the Forbes 100 most useful blogs for women 2012 &2013). You can follow me on facebook (kloppenmum) pinterest (Karyn at Kloppenmum) and twitter (@kloppenmum). I'm also vaguely on LinkedIn (Karyn Van Der Zwet). Thanks to Joe (Mr Hare) for taking the photo. Cheers, son: xxxx.
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11 Responses to Parents: Please don’t try so hard

  1. thirdeyemom says:

    I completely agree! I think sometimes parents want to live through their children or else push them so hard because they feel guilty about other things. It is amazing the things people do! Not that I’m perfect but I want happy, carefree, compassionate children, not just replicas of myself!

    • Couldn’t agree more, Nicole. Having been a teacher I went into parenting knowing that above all things I wanted to truly know my children for who they were – not for who I wanted them to be. So many parents seem to have their own agenda, and it’s tragic for the children and for the parent-child relationship.

  2. Trudy says:

    My parents had plenty of reading material around including National Geographic and encyclopedias, but never forced us to read them. My siblings and I took an interest on our own and that is why we’ve generally done well in school and still read and write a lot today. I think exposure without pressure is the way to go, speaking from the angle of a child (not a parent).

    Good post.

    • Hi Trudy, I really like the phrase ‘exposure without pressure.’ That sums up the approach we use as well and we think it’ll mean our kids are more self-motivated to learn too. Thanks for your comment, it’s appreciated.

  3. evafannon says:

    Thanks for sharing Karyn, I hadn’t seen that article.

  4. Yulia Yudith says:

    Yeah sometime I also want my kids to be the best as what I want, but when I realized that I am not a perfect person so that I know that no body is perfect and so do my kids 🙂 The most important thing that I can see them growing happy and healthy. I will encourage what they like to do as long as it is positive, and yeah they love books, especially story books.

    Thank you for sharing, Karyn 🙂
    I learn something from it

    • I’m pleased you found this useful Yulia. I think most parents want what is best for their children and perfection isn’t what’s best – I agree with you there. Thanks for your comment. 🙂

  5. adhdwith3 says:

    Very interesting that this viewpoint comes from a children’s author. So the question is, what do you do if your children really just don’t want to read? Or would rather watch TV or play video games?

    • The approach we’re encouraged to take with our kids (from their school) is to fascinated them with the power of stories. You could do things like tell stories around a camp-fire or retell stories of your childhood to them while you’re all snuggled up in bed. Our kids love to hear their birth-story or about things they did when they were little(r). Once children realise the power of being moved by a story – they are often more keen to read for themselves. The other thing I understand is helpful for children who aren’t so keen is them seeing their Dad read. As so often the top reading groups in classrooms are full of girls, sometimes boys unconciously take on the idea that reading is for girls and not for them.

  6. Yulia Yudith says:

    Yeah sometime I also want my kids to be the best as what I want, but when I realized that I am not a perfect person so that I know that no body is perfect and so do my kids The most important thing that I can see them growing happy and healthy. I will encourage what they like to do as long as it is positive, and yeah they love books, especially story books.

    Thank you for sharing, Karyn
    I learn something from here..

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