Temperament ebook

I am starting to work on an ebook about temperament for parents and teachers which I hope to be able will have published by the end of August.

Just wondering: what would you all like to see in that book?

What’s the most useful information I could put in it?

I’d love to tailor it to my audience, so the more comments  the more likely it will be useful to you. 🙂


About Karyn @ kloppenmum

kloppenmum is me, Karyn Van Der Zwet, mother of three and ex-teacher. I'm part of a revolution in parenting, with the aim to raise mature (not sophisticated) and self-assured children. I also know some stuff about adults. I have also had articles printed in The Journal for The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (Children and Young People) and the US parenting magazine, Pathways to Family Wellness, as well I regularly write for World Moms Blog (named as one of the Forbes 100 most useful blogs for women 2012 &2013). You can follow me on facebook (kloppenmum) pinterest (Karyn at Kloppenmum) and twitter (@kloppenmum). I'm also vaguely on LinkedIn (Karyn Van Der Zwet). Thanks to Joe (Mr Hare) for taking the photo. Cheers, son: xxxx.
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27 Responses to Temperament ebook

  1. Laura Weldon says:

    Great news Karyn!

  2. Wonderful! I’m not sure exactly what scope ‘temperament for adults and teachers’ is, however, if it’s useful, I’ve found your posts on: Mindful Disconnection, Tantrums, Boring Cuddles, No such thing as the ‘witching hour’, Electronics and raising confident children the most helpful. I think about them a lot as I go about my day. All the best with writing the book!

    • Thanks Angela.
      I’m thinking along the lines of ‘why is my child/baby like this and not like me/my other children…’ kind of thing. Let me know if you have any ideas…

  3. Marcy says:

    How to work with your own temperament and the temperament of the children… how to read and learn from your own and the children’s reactions to things and to one another… how to mindfully disconnect when the child follows you getting louder and throwing things… what to do when it’s not obvious whether it’s about power or about connection / comfort…

  4. QueenArtLady says:

    O, just what I have been waiting for.
    At the moment the biggest issue for me is to work with my own temperament. I am a hot head, get annoyed very easily and I can see the effects of my temperament on the family. But oh, it is so hard to change. Your connection, MD series has been a great help. It gives me a model, concrete steps of what to do in certain situations.
    Everything Marcy mentioned as well will be very helpful. I would like to know how to identify the child’s temperament and then some examples of how to deal with the child (the temperament) in certain situations.

    If I may be so bold to ask if you could muse one day on siblings, how do you deal with fighting ( we are getting better at sharing), building the relationship, dealing with the age difference etc. And also how do you deal with anger from one of the children. Our 4-year old boy has been getting very angry especially at Mummy. I would like him to know it is alright to feel the anger but not to act out violently towards the people in his life. I have read many post of Carrie of the Parenting Passageway blog about the 4-year old. and it seems as if some of his behavior is just typical for his age (not that it makes it right). Staying calm in these situations is a big challenge for my temperament 😉

    Good luck with writing, I am sure it will make an interesting read.

    • Marcy says:

      QueenArtLady, sounds like my temperament — I need a good bit of time alone in quiet, and I am far more irritable than I’d like to be, especially about receiving a lot of demands (whiny or otherwise).

      The staying calm thing is very tricky. It’s hard to do, and sometimes it seems like it might even be misleading — Amy really does need to learn that the way she acts can affect other people. Not that she should always put this effect above her own needs and wants, but she needs to be aware of it so she can wisely choose when (or how intensely) it’s worth pursuing something even at risk of angering or upsetting or hurting someone else, AND so she can learn more effective ways to join in play and get people to play with her and that sort of thing.

      • QueenArtLady says:

        Hi Marcy
        Thank you, never thought of it that way.
        I also need a lot of quiet time and as an artist daily creative time in the studio. Very hard to do as a stay at home mama of 2 pre-schoolers. At least I am learning that many activities can fill creativity craving. On Wednesday I started to crochet a dolls blanket and I am loving it. It is like taking your mind on a mini vacation 😉 I find little pockets of time or when I start to feel irritable/overwhelmed and in the midst of chaos I find a bit of quiet time.

        • Marcy says:

          It is easier to pick up and put down crochet than to work on a serious art project, or, for me, learn new hammered dulcimer music. Mostly I’m maintaining my dulcimer repertoire, not growing or developing — just playing out enough to stay reasonably competent. At home it mostly lives in its case. But I knit, and sometimes sew, and even weeding is a working-with-hands that can feel refreshing.

      • Hi Marcy,
        Staying calm can be tricky, I agree. My idea of calm is not that the children don’t learn that their behaviour can affect others – but more that we deal with their moods in ways that are useful and are limiting the amount of our ‘stuff’ impacting on them. Always great to hear your ideas. 🙂

        • Marcy says:

          So still showing anger, frustration, upset, whatever — but not getting out of control or inappropriate in the expression of it?

          • More of a reduction in frequency and only a somewhat reduction in intensity, would be my initial reaction Marcy. Wiil have a think about this.

            • Yes, after a bit of time in consideration – both modification of intensity/length of outbursts and their frequency are helpful. The repair stage after we’ve got it wrong is important, of course. Children still need to see that we experience emotions too.

    • Thanks for all these suggestions. I have a violence/anger post half organised – must get on with writing it! I know what you mean about your own personality/temperament affecting the family – mine too. sigh.
      Great to have all this to work with, cheers. 🙂

  5. Co-sleeping! Co-sleeping! Please! I think it greatly helps with temperament issues! 🙂

  6. adhdwith3 says:

    I really loved the book The Spirited Child.

    I think the biggest challenge is that I feel that many of my children have temperaments that are needy–they want me to hold them, snuggle, talk to them all the time–and I want to too, and yet I have a house to manage—

    • It is so hard to satisfy those dependency needs, isn’t it? I think our ancestors with extended families and more of a village society were so lucky with the help they received – even if it was just that there were more kids around to play with and no playdates required. Now we have to do it all alone…I am so grateful to see Craig come in the door some nights!

  7. textisle says:

    How to help children understand their own and others’ characters and personalities without labeling them.

    • What a great suggestion. Now I’ll have to get my thinking cap on! I’m so pleased I asked the question – I would never have thought of including this and yet it is important. Thanks. 🙂

      • Am struggling a bit with this not using labels idea. Have included preferred behaviours like;doing;talking; watching etc. Have included characteristics of each. And have used the terms owl, hare, butterfly and tortoise – are these enough to answer this issue for you?

  8. About quarter of the way there folks! Looking good for an end of August release date.

  9. Hi Karyn I hope the ebook is progressing well! I’d really love info on the sensitive/ high need temperament baby and child.

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