Tantrum Book Help Please

Hello there my lovely readers…I am after a favour. I have identified 18 different types of tantrum so far, but am concerned I have missed one or two. If you have two or three minutes could you drop me a line about any tantrums that your kids (or adults around you) have had in the last week or so. That way I can check I have covered everything I need to cover.

Cover is approved on temperament book. Tantrum book rocking along. No housework done. No gardening. And I think I have eye-strain. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so good about my life!! πŸ™‚


About Karyn @ kloppenmum

kloppenmum is me, Karyn Van Der Zwet, mother of three and ex-teacher. I'm part of a revolution in parenting, with the aim to raise mature (not sophisticated) and self-assured children. I also know some stuff about adults. I have also had articles printed in The Journal for The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (Children and Young People) and the US parenting magazine, Pathways to Family Wellness, as well I regularly write for World Moms Blog (named as one of the Forbes 100 most useful blogs for women 2012 &2013). You can follow me on facebook (kloppenmum) pinterest (Karyn at Kloppenmum) and twitter (@kloppenmum). I'm also vaguely on LinkedIn (Karyn Van Der Zwet). Thanks to Joe (Mr Hare) for taking the photo. Cheers, son: xxxx.
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32 Responses to Tantrum Book Help Please

  1. suevanhattum says:

    Frustration when his artwork isn’t turning out the way he wants.

    • Fabulous. Probably not for you and him… I have three other kinds of frustration tantrums, but had forgotten those ones. Thanks heaps. πŸ™‚ Hope you’re managing to get through them OK.

      • suevanhattum says:

        Just 3? I’d bet my son has at least 5 different sorts of frustration tantrums. When his friend beats him in a race, he often ‘gets hurt’ (like he trips and gets scraped, or something along those lines) and has a meltdown about the hurt, since he’d be embarrassed to cry over losing.

        I wonder if his tendency to meltdown has anything to do with me being too flexible for about 4 years. (It was easy to be firm when he was a baby. When he started arguing, I considered his arguments, and too often went his way. I read Parenting Without Power Struggles in January 2011, and it helped me be firmer.)

        • I’ll have to think about the competition one. It sounds a bit like the possession tantrums I’m just working on and more to do with drama triangles than frustration. Thanks. I love all this food for thought and want to do the best possible job I can for everyone.

  2. How about the “I need to do it my way even if it means paying for it later” tantrum? I have an older person in my life who I’m caring for who is rather resistant to common-sense, proactive changes in her world. I believe there are strong-willed kids who likely have the same feelings.:) My son’s tantrums are usually frustration-related and easily fixable….Lucky me!

    • Yes, I’ve seen those ones too Hazel. Hmmmm, interesting. I’ll have to go and think about that one. Overwhelmed I’m thinking at the moment – feeling like they’re stuck in a corner – Owl temperament people do become stubborn and dig themselves into holes like that. Ooooh this is delicious. Love all these ideas. Thanks so much. πŸ™‚ PS Lucky you, with the tantrum situation. PPS How do I subscribe to your blog? I need something basic. Not savvy at all with this technology stuff.

  3. Marcy says:

    Inflexibility / willful / can’t act in contradiction to feelings? Like when her friend doesn’t want to play what she wants to play, or when she wants dessert and the answer is no and she still wants it, or when I am requiring her to do something and she doesn’t want to and doesn’t even want to be given options in the thing I’m requiring, like getting ready for bed and the options are what order she wants to do the parts in.

  4. There are things that look like tantrums and sound like tantrums, but aren’t actually tantrums. They are expressions of sensory overload experienced by special needs children, such as those with autism. These kids literally do not have the means to control what they are going through, and they do not understand what is causing it. It is as baffling and frightening to them as it is to the parent who is trying to calm them down. As a special needs mom I have plenty of experience in these!

    • Yes, good point, I’m pleased you stopped by and included this. I have a chapter on overwhelmed tantrums, but can include this point for special needs children. (I have around 15 different kinds of distress tantrums at the moment.) I hadn’t thought about the fact the child can’t identify the stressor, so that’s handy to know. Please let me know if you think of anything else. I will probably be working on this for the next 8 weeks.

  5. Sasha Groufsky says:

    If this is any help. When my 18month old son has a tantrum he assumes the ostrich position. Bum in the air head on the ground. When really mad he gives his head a good couple of bangs on the ground. Seems to calm him…….. Gets a few laughs when in public. Let’s hope he doesn’t kill too many brain cells.

    • LOL Hello my long lost friend! Yes, we’ve had a couple of ostriches too. They are entertaining and it does seem to help with the calming. Thanks for reminding me! I’m sure the brain cells will be just fine. πŸ™‚

      • Marcy says:

        I was a lot older than 18 months when I did this kind of tantrum — 4? 6? — and I still carry the shame and rejection of being laughed at. Even though it IS funny, keep your amusement private if you can. A tantrumming kid is doing serious work.

  6. Do teenage tantrums count? What amazingly exciting news about the books. Way to go! Gardening and housework – mmm, not so important, they’ll still be there

    • Yes, want to include teenage tantrums – but a little unsure about whether or not to as I haven’t yet had my own…I do like to try strategies out before I recommend them. I have them down (tentatively) as testing the water tantrums. Perhaps you could help me out????!!! Any good books or ideas which I can incorporate. I have a whole new approach of looking at tantrums generally, so will adapt anything I read and reference it properly.
      Thanks with the congrats…now. you. go. write. πŸ™‚

  7. My 5 yo (almost 6!) had a tantrum at the store today and I don’t know why exactly. He wanted to go one way and I wanted to get out of the store so I said no and kept walking. Then he fell apart, tried to throw a bag of groceries out of the cart for spite, and then collapsed in a heap in the doorway of the store. *sigh*. I kept my voice calm, asked him to get up and go to the car, stood him up and he collapsed again. An older man with a walker was stuck waiting in the door way waiting for us. My 5 yo acted like he might bolt in the parking lot ( which he used to do when upset at 3 yo!) so I picked him up and carried him to the car. He’s getting too heavy to carry so I’d really like to know what to do if that happens again. I thought he had outgrown them. *sigh*

    It was early morning, he’d just had a bite to eat, though not very nutritious. I’m baffled, honestly. He had a good day after that….

    • Thanks for sharing, Cori. I can’t tell you exactly what the cause was from here – but I would think low-blood sugar contributed. For what it’s worth, I think you handled it perfectly. I’ll make sure I’ve covered these situations in the book. πŸ™‚

  8. Thanks, Karyn. Public tantrums are the hardest to handle IMO. Isn’t that when they usually happen? Grocery store must be SO common!

  9. Elena says:

    Hank (just turned 5) is the most prone to violent outbursts around here, and his most common are: he can’t manipulate an object or game the way he wants it to go; someone has violated his code of cleanliness (for example, he thinks a fork on the table is disgusting and so will freak out if you put his silverware next to his bowl); if a neighborhood playmate decides to go home or join in play with someone else; if you tell him the thing he wants is in a room which happens to be dark and empty of people and he’s sure there are monsters in there. That’s all I can think of right now!

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